When You Feel Like Moses... {Some Truths about Fostering-to-Adopt}

It's the 31st, and I'm letting out this deep breath that I've held for months.

It's been just over three months since that social worker drove that beautiful sibling pair to our home, and we were completely bewildered and wide-eyed, all of us.

And I've written and re-written, and then re-written these thoughts a dozen times... never able to write a finishing line to this whirlwind of thoughts, to then press publish. Because the truth of fostering-to-adopt/adoption is that it is this combination of incredibly difficult dark moments, and unbelievable profound moments where we see God. How could I possibly explain this road...

And I've been Moses a dozen times, my burning bush being the closet across from the the edge of our queen bed, questioning to that heap of clothes and God - who am I, that you would send me? I'm so certain of this - that you could have sent others who would respond better, deal better with all these complexities. Because the truth is that there are more layers to this than we could have imagined.

The handyman finds me writing in this corner of the house. And he sets down this coaster and steaming tea next to these keys, and on that morning he chooses the mom mug - one who loves unconditionally, and who always nurtures, and cares, and gives - and it's a challenge of a life-time. Quite literally. 

And this brand new mum and dad went from zero to sixty in a moment, with a three and five-year-old sleeping upstairs with vocabularies and personalities, and likes and strong-dislikes, and sense of humors and tantrums, and a mind full of memories, with experiences and people they miss dearly... and the loss is astronomical.  We will never comprehend. 

And then there's this couple's losses... and this family has a lot to overcome. 

And He says to Moses, there at that bush with it's flames, and he says it's to this husband-and-wife-pair, I will be with you. And it's this that gets us through.

And these beautiful and brave, courageous and caring kids put together this Dr. Seuss puzzle on Christmas Day morning. And they twist and turn on the floor grabbing excitedly at pieces... and we're just like this... fumbling over pieces... eager to see the masterpiece. 

And, friends, I've been meditating on this verse from Ephesians -

"God can do anything, you know - far more than we could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams. He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."  

It's a rambling of thoughts today, that I'm not even sure it makes sense to me. I look forward to the explanation in heaven. January is a big month for us... with a tentative trial that could decide if this is a life-time event or not. We would love your prayers for this - that His plan for these children will be done.