When all You can do is Fall on your Knees...

It's been more than six months since these friends shared while sitting on pub chairs, with pub food, and tall glasses.

The two of us always seem to gather like this.

It's a Thursday night, with the week's cares close to over...

But somehow life's cares and sharp edges carry on into the weekend... and on and on.

Life doesn't have this pause, or reset... or stop. If it did, we would be so tempted to press it.

And we recall when we would have wanted to press it most.

When the foundation shook and shattered... and there was no reconciling. So the front door open and he left with his things.

It was not so long ago for her, as it was for me.

How each girl was unfortunate to be there, remembering the way he looked, and how the door sounded, and how the car started.

And she looks at me, and with her hands open wide and asks softly, how does that happen after 30 years of marriage? How do parents give up?

And our eyes swell, and mascara runs... as if the pain has no way out, except through these eyes.

This corner of the pub feels heavier than it did... although the plates are empty and the pitcher is half done.

Because children feel the weight of every ripple from divorce.

And I remember how this friend was there for me, when this harsh ripple came. How she filled the silhouette of the door where he left, even though I begged her not to come.

Because friends remind us of humanity, and help us feel the ground as they steady us.

And a friend is one who mourns with their friends... who puts the laughter on hold for these moments.

And on this Thursday night, we do just that.

We knit together the events, and the untold stories, and we listen.

How we made decisions that we may not have otherwise, just to feel. To feel that we had a grip on this life... But knowing it was all an illusion of control.

But we had to be brave, and keep this life going, and encourage sisters, and take care of parents (who are supposed to take care of us?).

How does one heal?

How does a young woman have faith in marriage?

And so I recall how this young university student fell to her knees in her rented apartment years ago... and finally realized that she couldn't survive, she needed to surrender. 

She needed to loosen this grip and open her clenched heart... to receive the most amazing love.

And only by the miracle of grace, she made peace with parents, and let a kind man into her heart; sisters learned to love, and this faith went deeper.

I drive home among this dusting of pure snow against the dark sky, and I know that I couldn't have held my own shield and brought beauty from darkness.

But that a great God protected this heart, and that He held this weak girl, and in His timing brought her back to life. 



Friends, do you recall events in your life when you were brought to the floor?

(How I wish I gave up this standing position and traded for more calloused knees...)