How Saying Yes Requires so much More of You... {Home, Adoption}

So I know when this mind has reached capacity and begins to overflow.

When I've warmed up this mug of tea a dozen times over in the microwave.

And the handyman comes home, and he's making dinner, and he pops open the door, and spies that mug. 

He laughs, and I can't help but laugh... because what else can you do but laugh at yourself.

I finally give up, and pour that day-old tea down the drain...

We've got this list.

Stacked upon life's lists. No wonder this brain is full.

And we're slowly and deliberately crossing each thing off amidst all the other demands. And we high-five. 

Because we inch our way towards this goal.

Oh how we run to cross. out. each. to-do.

This list requires a fire escape plan, made visible to all, and a 2.5 lb fire extinguisher. 

So we give our fire escape plan a partner in crime. 

And we tuck away this fire engine red extinguisher into our bag drawer.

Oh yes, it joins the chaos.

And we're one step closer to an approved home... and we've got this shorter list.

Then he searches Home Depot and comes homes with these.

We use these "L" brackets to secure tall wobbly furniture to walls.

And I so hope I never have to move them... revealing those holes.

Then this handyman uses his Saturday to build this secure railing.

To prevent a little one from crashing over the side.

And he's patient with his wife who says like this, and not like that.

I'm so proud of him.

Not for what's he's built with his hands, but this sheer determination to jump through all those hoops and this red tape that this government creates.

And how he honors this authority and does everything right.

He sands down the wood and dust flies, he's eager to make it smooth and just right. And ready.

I'm reminded by this author's perfect perspective when you're waist deep in all this work:

"Keep yourself from being overwhelmed by the sheer volume of all this paperwork by seeing it for what it is, a labor for the children God is calling to be yours... And like a woman who doesn't remember her labor pains after she sees her child, you'll hardly remember the frustrations of bureaucracy after your child is on your lap at home. Fill out the paperwork 'with a good will as to the Lord and not to man' (Eph. 6: 5-7). Yes, some of the paperwork and some of the exercises are overlapping, mindless, and trivial. 

Imagine, though, that Jesus himself is asking you to fill out this stuff, and do it with joyfulness and gratitude."

We get this call on Tuesday morning, after the house is made almost perfect, the phone rings, and goes to voicemail, and she leaves this message:

How she won't be able to make it today... to see all these improvements. So she delays all these efforts for another week.

And I wonder if she knows how it makes our hearts ache.

But she provides us with some hope... how we may be able to pass this test, and wrap all this up next week. Oh yes, we so hope for this too.

We let out our breath... and we're like this tea that warms and cools and waits. Repeat.

But if we're honest, we haven't even completed the list. We were praying for grace.

Here's how far we've come:

• Create a fire evacuation plan; make visible
• Purchase 2,5 lb fire extinguisher
• Relocate carbon dioxide detector
• Move lighter and matches out of reach
• Move bleach high and out of reach
• Secure Ikea cabinets and bookcase to the walls
• Build a railing to the basement level
• Complete written assignment
• Name a legal guardian
• Identify crib for quick purchase
• Identify car seat for quick purchase
• Lock medication
• Be ready to install baby gates at the top and bottom of stairs
• Put rubber backing on rugs
• Remove freezer door if not in use

We laugh a little, because we aren't even sure of what age to expect. There is a due date, we aren't mistaken of this, but it's in His hand and it's a complete mystery to us.

I'm not sure we can say we ever acted in this much faith as we are right now.

How there's never been this much Jesus in our hearts.

This complete mystery is pure joy. And I swear my handyman is smiling as the dust flies in this retro old basement... and he's totally got it.