When You're Listening to Your Own Voice... {Our Adoption Story}

The temperature warms and the snow can't survive without the cold... again unveiling this yard that needs so much work.

We're running out the door, hot tea in a travel mug, my purse bumping along my side.

We're anxious, nervous.

I make this mental note to fix this yard in the spring... to grow grass from the dirt... to fill in all these flaws that the neighbors can see but kindly ignore.

It's one of those days. Noticing all the flaws that make up this home, this yard... this girl.

We live in this car, silent... except the handyman asks, more than once, "Do we need to bring anything?"... "There must be something."

But I'm certain we've done everything :

From saying... yes, Lord... and filling in all this paperwork : 

As the summer heat broke months ago, and temperatures cooled... we sat in this local coffee shop for hours. Dotting every 'i,' crossing every 't.'

Making tough decisions.

But trying desperately to trust Him.

And then somehow summoned this courage to be obedient and deliver this offering of ourselves :

Then the weather turned colder, snow fell, and fell away... And now we find ourselves here.

Making this short drive to begin this certification to be adoptive parents. Our first of four full Saturdays.

A beat up train disrupts the commute... sauntering by without a care... but pushing all these buttons.

I hear my kind man's morning voice break the silence, singing along to this Christian station, groggy and without care... a familiar song from his teenage self : 

"And the voice of truth says 'Do not be afraid!'

And the voice of truth says 'This is for My glory'

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth..." 

And this weathered train finally gives in to the build up of cars and we navigate these well traveled roads, but pull into this foreign place.

I'm caught by these neon words next to the parking lot that make me regretfully smirk : 

We Need Foster Adoptive Parents Like You

Like me? I'm not sure... this person is feeling so inadequate today. My house is certainly not ready for this (have you seen my lawn?)... nor is this heart (I feel like I need heart surgery to repair this broken girl).

And I realize my own voice... recognize that familiar sound that points out these flaws, shortcomings, mistakes, and shame... as if that's all there is.

And He tells me that, yes, like you.

Walk on this water with me.

Don't be afraid.

Listen to my voice.

I try not to let it happen... but my eyes flood and this throat closes over and over...

And we go... and listen.

Returning home with our arms full of this enormous binder and more paperwork to be done.

Our hearts are full with questions for each other, these unqualified future parents... and I go for a walk and ask Him all the ones we can't answer.

At home, I ask this kind man if he's still, "in this with me"... and he nods without hesitation and gives this look that says, "Do you have to ask? Of course."

So I go and make a file...

And this Adoption takes up more permanent residency... with it's own special place in our filing cabinet home and our heart.

Alphabetically this tab surpasses all the others. It moves to the front of our lives and I love that.

So we try to be organized... and faithful.

Leaving this boat, to walk on the water, arms extended to Jesus.




Do you find yourself stepping out of the boat, into this absolute unknown?
Adoptive/Foster parents, would you share any encouragement you have for this stage in the process? I will read all of it with my kind man...